A Field Day in Hyrule
by Vulion
Summary: I go to Hyrule and annoy the hell out of everyone. Ganondorf and Ruto bashing. At least read the first chapter, believe me it's worth it. Chap. 8 finally up!
1. It Begins

Disclaimer: Don't own any of the characters, they are property of Shigeru Miyamato  
  
  
  
Field Day  
  
By Li Kenta  
  
  
  
Li: Hi everyone, welcome my first fic.  
  
Link: Who hell are you?  
  
Li: The author.  
  
Zelda: Oh no, not another one.  
  
Li: Yup, another controller of destiny, and conjerour of fate.  
  
Ganondorf: Man, life sucks.  
  
Link: Listen, I don't think you've have what it takes to control us in a story.  
  
(Suddenly a walrus falls on Link)  
  
Malon, Ruto and Zelda: Link!!!  
  
Li: Now do you dought my power.  
  
Link: That could have happened to anyone.  
  
Li:(Scoffs) Are saying that the fact that a walrus, a creature not found in Hyrule, just happened to rip t  
hrough several dimensions only to stop in mid-air above you when it could have easily droped on Ruto, was a coincidence?  
  
Link:...  
  
Li: Ha! I told I'm an author. I am powerful, I am unstoppable, I am...(walks towards the group   
only to trip on a twig.) face first in the ground.  
  
Ganondorf: Man, that's gotta be the most humilating point in his career.  
  
Li: And being in your presence is not?  
  
Malon: Oooo...  
  
Ruto: Ouch...  
  
Zelda: Li 1, Ganondorf 0  
  
Ganondorf: You dare insult me, THE KING OF EVIL!?!?!  
  
Li: Dude...you were beaten by a ten-year-old, in a seventeen-year-olds body.  
  
Link: Good one.  
  
Zelda: Li 2, Ganondorf 0.  
  
Ganondorf: Grrrr, draw your sword and we shall see who is superior.  
  
(Li simple draw his katana, Murasame, while Ganondorf draws his weird-ass sword.)  
  
Ganondorf: I'll show you my skill.  
  
(In a matter of moments, Ganondorf pulls of some amazing sword tricks.)  
  
Ganondorf:(Pointing his sword at Li's chest.) Show me the measure of your skill.  
  
(In one swift move Li koncks Ganon's sword from his hand.)  
  
All:...  
  
Zelda: Li 3, Ganondorf 0.  
  
Link: (To Ganondorf) Dude you suck.  
  
Ruto: Wow...(Stares dreamly at Li)  
  
Li: (Truly disturbed ans scared) What?  
  
Ruto: *giggle*  
  
Link: Dear sweet goddess' of Hyrule, the demon fish has chosen another.  
  
Zelda: On no. *Thinking* Yes! With Ruto gone, all I have to do is kill Malon and Nabooru.  
  
Li: (Running) Nononononononono, why me? (looks to the sky) Why couldn't it have Malon,   
I have a thing for red-heads and brunettes!!  
  
Ruto: *Singing* Come back Li, my love.  
  
(A chase insues, Li running for the sake of his purity.)  
  
Ganonorf: Ha Ha.   
  
(Li pissed of by Ganon's comment is suddenly hit with an idea, and at the same time is hooked by a fishing line.)  
  
Li: Damn, gotta act fast.  
  
(While being pulled in Li grabs Ganondorf and uses him as a shield at the time Ruto lunges at him   
with lips extended.The kiss last about five minutes, in which Li used to unhook himself and run behing Link and Zelda.)  
  
Link: Dammit, that image is going to haunt my dreams.  
  
Li:How do you think I feel, I thought it up.*shudders violently*  
  
(The Demons finally part lips and open thier eyes only to see that last person they wanted.)  
  
Ganondorf: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!  
  
Ruto: NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!  
  
Ganondorf: The Demon Fish lips have touched mine!!!*spits everywhere*  
  
Ruto: That was sick!!  
  
(In unison the two shove an entire bottle of mouthwash into their violated mouths.)  
  
Ganondorf: That was vile.  
  
Ruto: That was disgusting.  
  
Zelda: That was something that didn't need to happen.  
  
Li: Zelda, you think I'm going let that (ponders for a few seconds) whatever the hell she is, touch me.  
  
Link: I'm with him, I wouldn't wish that fish on anyone.  
  
Zelda: not even Ganondorf.?  
  
Link: Nope, the haunting mental pictures.*shudders*  
  
Zelda: Point taken.  
  
Malon: Hey Li...  
  
Li: Yeah?  
  
Malon: Ummm... is it true about what you said?  
  
Li: What excatly did I say?  
  
Malon: You know about red-heads and brunettes, is it true.  
  
Li: Yup, I don't really like blondes *to Zelda* no offense, I mean your hot, but if I continue this any longer   
Link's liable to shove his sword up my ass.  
  
Malon:*giggles*  
  
Li: (silence)  
  
Ganodorf: YOU!!  
  
(Li looks up at the trasformed version of Ganon. In a swift move he knocks Li towards Link and Zelda.)  
  
Link: Damn. (Pulls out Master Sword).  
  
Zelda:*drool*  
  
(Link charges only to have his knocked far from his grasp.The fight soon becomes on survival for Link.)  
  
Li: Link use the Magaton Hammer, remeber he has a weak spot.  
  
(Link pulls out his trust hammer and his mind races as he tries to remeber a weak spot in Ganon.   
It hit's suddenly him, with a mighty battle call he charges.)  
  
Li: What the he's not going for the tail, he's going for the...DEAR SWEET CREATOR"S OF HYRULE!!!!  
  
Zelda: What?  
  
Li: Link, NOOOOO!!!  
  
(It was too late the attack made it's mark, on Ganon's crotch.)  
  
Li: (Holding his crotch) OOOHHH!!!  
  
Darunia: (Holding his) that's not right.  
  
Rauru:(holding his) We all felt that.  
  
Ganon: (Squeky voice) Me most of all.  
  
Reader (If male): (Holding his) Ouch...  
  
Zelda: We know someone's not having kids.  
  
Link: Mentally that hurt me more than it hurt you, physically...Owww.  
  
(Ganon transforms to his normal state and Li creates a medic.)  
  
Medic: What happened?  
  
Li: this guy got hit in the balls with a hammer.  
  
Medic: Dear goddess's.  
  
45 minutes later...  
  
Medic: Sir, sir...  
  
Ganondorf: Huh?  
  
Medic: he's awake, sir your "boys" are going to be fine. The right is intact.  
  
Ganondorf: The right what about Lefty...  
  
Medic:...We can't sem to find him right now, once the swelling goes he should reappear.  
  
(Li teleports the Medic away. Ganondorf sits in a chair and put's an ice pack on the point of impact.)  
  
Darunia: So what do you think?  
  
Li: I think it's time to end this chapter, before Link gets all hammer happy.  
  
A/N: So that's the end of the chapter, I'll write more if I get enough reviews. Her are the things that happened so far:   
Ruto is pursuing me *shudders*, Malon asking strange questions, Link violated a no male cheapshot rule and Ganon 's   
not going to have any kids any time soon. 


	2. Yup, it's me again

Disclaimer: Characters owned by Nintendo  
  
  
  
Field Day  
  
By Li Kenta  
  
Chapter 2  
  
  
  
Li: Hey guys.  
  
Link: You again, one chapter of toture wasn't enough.  
  
Li: TOTURE!!!? Ganondorf was nailed in the balls and the Demon of all fish has the hots for  
me and your saying you're being tortured?!  
  
Zelda: (Blinks a few times) You have a flair for the dramatic don't?  
  
Li: Oh yeah.  
  
Ganondorf: YOU!!!  
  
(Suddenly Ganondorf comes by walking in a painful manner.)  
  
Ganondorf: Because of you, ouch, my boys, oww, are in this situation.  
  
Li: Don't blame me, blame Link.  
  
Link: Hey, I...  
  
Li: Used a cheap shot, we know.  
  
Ganondorf: Anyway, can't you do anything, I mean, you are the author.  
  
Li: No.  
  
Ganondorf: What, why not?  
  
Li: I don't like you.  
  
Ganondoef: Give one good reason for not liking me.  
  
Li: Well *deep breath* your evil, your ugly, you insult red-heads every where, your a dumbass, your  
full of hot air, you insult the Triforce of Power by being such a weakling...  
  
Two Hours Later...  
  
(Link and Zelda playing cards)  
  
Link: Which reason is he on?  
  
Zelda: I lost count at the fifty-seventh, two cards.  
  
(Zelda's eyes widen, with a chuckle she places her cards down.)  
  
Zelda: A Royal Flush.  
  
Link: Damn.  
  
Li: ...Your breath stinks, you smell in general and finally I find the situation that your in is quite  
funny.  
  
Ganondorf:...  
  
Link: You're finished?  
  
Li: Yeah Link, I'm...  
  
(Akward silence falls, as Li looks at Link with nothing but his pant underalls on,)  
  
Li: Care to explain.  
  
Zelda: I've been beating him in poker, and last thing I want is those underalls.  
  
Li: NO WAY!!! *snaps fingers* no nudity in this fic.  
  
Zelda: Oh, your no fun.  
  
Li: First of all, you see him naked five nights a weak, and that's not counting weekends,  
second the rating is as high as I want it to be.  
  
Ruto: LIIII!!! DARLING!!!  
  
(Ruto hugs Li, and gives him a kiss.)  
  
Li: NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!  
  
(Li runs of at lightning speed.)  
  
Ruto: Li come back!!  
  
(After contemplating the situation, Zelda asks Link.)  
  
Zelda: So, what happens now?  
  
Link: We find Li.  
  
Zelda What? I thought you would be happy to see him go.  
  
Link: I would, but with out the fic doesn't end, meaning, we'll have to entetain those 'people' *points at reader*   
for the rest of our lives. No offense.  
  
Three hours later...  
  
Link: Anything?  
  
Zelda: Nothing.  
  
Ruto: Li, where are you?  
  
Link:...Ruto, um, I think I saw Li going towards the volcanic crater at Death Mountain.  
  
Ruto: Really? Then I'll go their in search of my lost love.  
  
(Link waves good-bye, and then sighs with relief.)  
  
Ganondorf: Why you do that she was the most persistent of us all.  
  
Link: Listen, as of right now Li is terrified of that fish and seeing her would add tons of damage to his already  
shattered pysche. To be blunt, He see's Ruto again he's going to have a mental meltdown.  
  
(Out of no where they hear rustling. Link searches the bush only to find Li curled up in ball.)  
  
Li: So scared, so violated, so scared, so violated, so scared, so violated...  
  
Zelda: I think the damage is to great for us to do anything.  
  
(They hear a horse, the group turns around to Malon, riding towards them.)  
  
Malon: Hey guys, what's up?  
  
Link: Li had a mental and emotional meltdown.  
  
(Malon looks over at Li, still in a ball, still repeating the words 'so scared, so violated'.)  
  
Malon: It was Ruto wasn't?  
  
Link: Yup, how'd you guess?  
  
Malon: She is the only person that struck fear in into the heart of the holder of the Troforce of Courage.  
  
Zelda: Well, that's true.  
  
Malon: I think I can help him.  
  
Zelda: How?  
  
Malon: He needs to hear the voice and see the face of a pretty girl.  
  
All:...(Except Ganondorf who's laughing his ass of.)  
  
Ganondorf: Zelda, she burned you badly!!!  
  
Zelda: Are saying...You little...  
  
Link: As much as I want to see a cat-fight between you two, we need to help Li. Oh, if you still want  
to fight after Li's is healed, go ahead, it might even help in his healing process.  
  
Malon: *backing away* I'll help Li.  
  
45 minutes later...  
  
Malon: He's okay!!  
  
(The trio looked up to see Li walking towards them.)  
  
Link: Wait, where's Malon?  
  
(Li points behind him, a scared Malon seeking his protection from Zelda.)  
  
Li: She's a bit scared, you know with Zelda looking at with fire and darkness in her eyes.  
  
Link: Stop protecting her, theirs going to be cat fight.  
  
Li: *hangs head low* Malon already said if I don't protect her, she'll tell Ruto where I live.  
  
Ganondorf: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!  
  
Li: Shut up, perv boy.  
  
Link: Perv boy?  
  
Li:(Seeing this as a prime moment to hurt Ganondorf) Oh, Ganondorf put camera's in...  
  
Ganondorf: STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!!!!!!!!!  
  
Li: *Evil grin* in Zelda shower.  
  
(Suddenly, the sky turns black, Ganondorf looks at the sky in confusion. That is until he hears a growl,  
Link's holding the thing that has haunted his dreams, the Megaton Hammer.)  
  
Ganondorf: *screaming like a little girl* NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!  
  
(A chase insues ending up with the King of Pussies, backed up against a wall by Link and Zelda.)  
  
Li: Well this worked out well.  
  
Malon: how so?  
  
Li: Ruto's gone, my mind's intact and Ganon'dork' is about to by pummeled into the ground.  
  
(Ganondorf thought furiously for away to escape unharmed, then it hit him. He cast a barrier around himself,  
despite Links assualt it held.)  
  
Ganondorf: Ha ha. *sticks tongue out*  
  
(Furious, Link attempted one more swing, fortunatlly it broke through. The hammer's point of impact Ganondorf's  
head...while his tongue was out.)  
  
Malon: OWWW!!  
  
Li: I'm suprised he still has a tongue.  
  
(While the two are talking our favorite couple procedes to beat the shit out of Ganondorf.)  
  
Li: Hmm.  
  
Malon: What?  
  
Li: Two chapter's and in both Ganondorf's been nailed by Link's hammer.  
  
(Without warning Malon kiss' Li on his cheek.)  
  
Li *blushing* What was that for?  
  
Malon: For getting Zelda so pissed off, she completly forgot about me.  
  
Li: *regaining composure* Well it's about time we ended this.  
  
(Li is about end the chapter when an ebnchanting aroma filled his nose.)  
  
Li and Malon: Mmmm...fish.  
  
Li: Gotta end this fast.  
  
Malon: Why?  
  
Li: I want Ganondorf alive for the next chapter.  
  
A/N: Well that's the end of chapter two, hope you liked. Also thank you for the reviews, well time to say good-...  
  
Ruto: Li!!  
  
Li: I was never here, you never saw me and if anyone tells I will hunt them down and shove my katana up their ass.  
  
(Li splits in time to avoid a barbecued Ruto.)  
  
Ruto: *to reader* Have you seen Li?  
  
Reader, You: He's at...umm...Dodongo Cavern. 


	3. A Day at the Ranch

Disclaimer: Characters owned by Nintendo  
  
  
  
Field Day  
  
By Li Kenta  
  
Chapter 3  
  
  
  
Li: Hey guys.  
  
Link: Hey, Li.  
  
Li: So, what are we doing today?  
  
Saria: Well I thought it would be fun to go to Lon Lon Ranch.  
  
Li: Great, let's go.  
  
(Suddenly, Ganondorf appears.)  
  
Ganondorf: Noth bethore I thun.  
  
Li: What?  
  
Ganondorf: Yu thill go thrugh wurld oth thain.  
  
Link: Thain?  
  
Zelda: Bain?  
  
Li: Pain? Oh hell *snaps finger's* your tongues healed.  
  
Ganondorf: It's about time, as I was saying...HEY!!!  
  
(He turns around to see the group walking away from him.)  
  
Rauru: Mmm, all that milk and food.  
  
Li: Rauru, your not coming.  
  
Rauru: Why?  
  
Li: You'd lead to the bankruptcy of the Ranch, you know, with your eating problem.  
  
Rauru: Hey, it's a glandular problem.  
  
Li: Hmmm *crotches down to Saria* you got any sweets?  
  
Saria: *Digging into shirt* M&M, Skittles, Gummi Bears, Sours Worms, Jelly Beans, Starburst...  
  
Li: I'll take that, *wolfs down Starburst pack in a matter of seconds*.  
  
Saria: *blinks a few times* Twinkies...  
  
Li: Perfect!!  
  
(Li takes the twinkes and shoves them under Rauru's nose.)  
  
Rauru: Twinkies...  
  
Li: You like? Then you fetch!! *throws Twinkies to the top of Death Mountain*  
  
(A shocked Rauru looks at Li and then runs towards Death Mountain.)  
  
Rauru: TWINKIES!!!!  
  
Li: Well, that takes care of that.  
  
Darunia: Nice throw.  
  
Li: Thanks. Now to Lon Lon Ranch.  
  
(In a matter of minutes the group reaches Lon Lon Ranch, only to be greeted by Ingo.)  
  
Ingo: Rum, rum , rum, rummy rum, always rum, nothing but rum, kids don't drink to much rum. *collapses*  
  
Zelda: Riiiight.  
  
Li: *kicking the drunkard aside* Hello, is anyone sober here!?  
  
Malon: Hi guys.  
  
Li: Hey Malon.  
  
Malon: So, can I do anything for you?  
  
Li: Nah, we just need a place to hangout.  
  
Darunia: We could use some of your famous milk.  
  
Malon: *giggle* okay, I'll get some.  
  
Li: I'll help.  
  
Link: *coughing* suck up.  
  
(Li glares at Link before disappearing into the stables. Moments later everyone was happily drinking their milk.)  
  
Link: Li.  
  
Li: Yeah?  
  
Link: I wanna know, can you really use that thing? *pointing at Li's sword*  
  
Li: *smirking* Are you challenging me?  
  
(In a matter of nanoseconds they jumped apart and drew their swords.)  
  
Li: No shields.  
  
Link: Done. *Throws away his shield*.  
  
(For untold moments, the two warriors stared at each other, neither willing to make the first move.)  
  
Li and Link: Hyyaaaah!!!  
  
(Almost in unison the fighter's charged each other, sword's poised to strike. For the first time, and not the last, their   
blades met.)  
  
Link: Not bad.  
  
(The battle continued, neither warrior backing down or tiring. Blow for blow they matched each other perfectly. Hoping   
to catch Li off guard, Link did a back flip and landed behind him. Taking advantage of the situation, Link slashed at his   
opponent's neck. Much to his suprise Li blocked his assaualt.)  
  
Li: Pretty good.  
  
Darunia: *stuffing his face with popcorn* Damn, this a good fight!!  
  
Saria: I wonder whoes going to win?  
  
Ganondorf: It looks like Malon and Zelda have chosen.  
  
(The Goron and Kokiri look over to the two teenager's.)  
  
Zelda: (In green cheerleader outfit) Let's go, Link, come on, let's go!  
  
Malon: (In blue cheerleader outfit) Go, Li go, go, Li go!  
  
(The swordsmen finally broke away from the stance and faced each other. Link made made the first move, attempting a stab  
Li, but much to his suprise, Li jumped on the blade of his sword.)  
  
Li: I thought you learned your lesson about stabbing when you fought Dark Link.  
  
(Suprised Hylian barely had any time to react as Li's foot met his jaw in a painful manner.)  
  
Malon: YAY!!! GO, LI!!!  
  
(Li landed and turned expecting Link to be on the ground, but much to his dismay his oppenent was charging him.  
Li only had enough time to dodge, Link, after attacking had his elbow connect painfully with Li's spine.)  
  
Zelda: YES!!! GO, LINK!!!  
  
(The pair jumped to opposite sides of the ranch, sword poised to strike. For what seemed like hours they stood their,  
like stone statues.)  
  
Darunia: I wish they'd hurry up I have to go to the little boy's room.  
  
Nabooru: Then you shouldn't have had so much milk.  
  
(Breaking the silence, the two male elves rushed each other. They slashed at each other as the met in the middle.)  
  
Ganondorf: Who won?  
  
(The fighter's turned toward each other, smirks on their lips.)  
  
Li: Great move. *shows the back of his right hand, his fingeless glove split open*  
  
Link: You to *shows the back oh his left, gauntlet spilt, exposing the Trifoce*  
  
(Again the two entered their stances, this time they rushed each other sooner.)  
  
Ruto: LIIIII!!!!!  
  
(The two turned their attention to the direction of the yell, a big mistake. The second they turned their attention from   
the fight, Links knee smashed into Li's stomach. This causes Li to bend over, headbutting Links stomach. The two fell   
apart, gasping for breath.)  
  
Link: Is your head made out of rock or something?!  
  
Li: What's in that knee, compressed, iron ferite?!  
  
Ruto: Li!!!  
  
(The two turn to the direction the yell came from. To see Ruto, the demon fish. The two jumped to their feet, hoping to run   
away, but their efforts were in vain as the fish was immediatly was in front of them.)  
  
Ruto: Li, darling look at what happened to my leg.  
  
(Li looks down at Ruto's leg, a Dodongo latched on to it.)  
  
Li: *restraining laughter* Looks like that Dodongo has taking a liking to your leg.  
  
(Ruto instantly kicks it, the poor thing runs away whimpering.)  
  
Ruto: Li, kiss my leg to make it feel better.  
  
Li: *disgusted look on his face* Okay, close your eyes.  
  
(Li licked his his index and middle fingers. Finally he pressed them against Ruto's wound.)  
  
Ruto: Wow.  
  
Li: *Sarcasticlly* Amazing wasn't it.  
  
Ganondorf: Yeah, if you like fingers.  
  
(Li immediatly turned to Ganondorf, signalling him to stop.)  
  
Ruto: What do you mean?  
  
Ganondorf: Li, just pressed his saliva covered fingers against your wound.  
  
(Ruto turned to Li, completly pissed off.)  
  
Ruto: Li Kenta, your ass better get down and kiss my wound...for at least five seconds!  
  
Li: Okay.  
  
(Li bends down a kiss her wound, his lips linger for another five seconds before ripping themselves away from the Zora's   
skin.)  
  
Ruto: Oh, thank you *hugs Li* I have go see my father, but I'll be back.  
  
(After Ruto, leaves Li standing still, until Malon approaches him.)  
  
Malon: Li...  
  
Li: Malon, for the love of Nayru, get me an old priest and a young priest. Please hurry, this is my purity at stake.  
  
15 minutes later...  
  
Old priest: What is your plight my son.  
  
Li: Father, I trust you saw the evil that is the Zora princess, Ruto.  
  
O.P.: Yes, we did.  
  
Li: I was forced to kiss her skin and she hugged me.  
  
Young priest: Dear goddess' of Hyrule, sir we must act fast.  
  
40 minutes later...  
  
O.P.: We've done all we can, I hope it's enough.  
  
(Priests leave.)  
  
Li: Now to burn the clothes touched by evil.  
  
(Li puts on a biohazard uniform, and grabs his old clothes with big ass twizzers. Walking towards the sacred fire the   
priests started, he chucked his old clothes in.)  
  
30 minutes later...  
  
Li: I'll gather the ashes.  
  
(After gathering the ashes, he compressed the into a ball and materialized a slingshot.)  
  
Li: I banish thee, material touched by a creature of satan.  
  
All:...  
  
Li: Well, she is.  
  
(Li let's loose the ball, and sends it to Death Mountain.)  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Rauru: Almost their. *reaching for Twinkies*  
  
(Suddenly the ball of evil ashes, hits the box of Hotess delight's. Rauru can only watch in shock as his food falls  
into the abyss.)  
  
Rauru: TWINKIES!!! *goes after them*  
  
5 seconds later...  
  
(Rauru lands ass first onto a pile of rocks, inches from his sweets.)  
  
Rauru: Nothing can take you away from me now.  
  
(He is of course wrong, as a rock slide crushes the poor cream-filled pastries.)  
  
Rauru: No, no, NNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!  
  
Back at the ranch...  
  
Ganondorf: HA HA!!!  
  
Li: *repressing rage* Shut...up...  
  
(Ganondorf continues laughing, something in Li snaps...about three times.)  
  
Li: That's it!!  
  
(Grabs Link's hammer and starts chasing Ganondorf around the ranch.)  
  
Ganondorf: *Again, screaming like a little girl* Nooooo!!!!  
  
(Li catches up to the evil Gerudo.)  
  
Li: Batter up!!!!   
  
(Hits Ganondorf with they hammer, sending him flying.)  
  
Li: I guess you can say, he's outta the park.  
  
Zelda: That sucked.  
  
Li: Oh, shut up.  
  
Meanwhile in the sky...  
  
Ganondorf: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wait, what's that, oh no, A TREE!!!!  
  
(Closes his eyes preparing for impact, but is suprised when it doesn't come.)  
  
Ganondorf: Yes!! *looks behind him* Ha!!  
  
*BAM*  
  
(Ganondorf hit the side of a mountain, leaving an imprint.)  
  
Ganondorf: Pain... *falls out of imprint* at least it's over.  
  
*CRASH*  
  
(Without warning a boulder falls on Ganondorf, the only sign of life is an exposed left arm, twitching violently.)  
  
Back at the Ranch...  
  
Darunia: Remind me never to get you pissed of.  
  
Li: I can't make that promise.  
  
Malon: I think it's time to end this chapter.  
  
Li: Me to.  
  
Link: *Coughing* suck up.  
  
Cow: Moooo.  
  
A/N: Poor Ganondorf, brave, but stupid Ganondorf. Well this the end of chapter three, hope you liked it. Also, thank  
you to all the people that reviewed making my first sad, sad, sad, sad attempt at humor a succes. One more thing, you   
might have noticed me and Triple M arguing and talking about a 'fic' in the reviews. That's because we are doing a fic   
together, as of right now it sucks for one reason, I'm not in it, but when they do include the great glory that is me,   
it will be much better. 


	4. The Auditions

Disclaimer: Characters owned by Nintendo. Lucky Bastards...  
  
  
  
Field Day  
  
By Li Kenta  
  
Chapter 4  
  
  
  
Li: Hey guys.  
  
Saria: Hey, Li.  
  
Link: So what do have planned for us today?  
  
Li: Auditions.  
  
Zelda: Auditions?  
  
Li: Yeah, we need a replacment for Ganondorf.  
  
Malon: Why?   
  
Li: Because, it's just not funny without him.  
  
Link: True.  
  
Li: So let's get started. *snaps fingers*  
  
(A huge studio appears in front of them.)  
  
Malon: Your powers never cease to amaze me.  
  
Li: *Full of himself* yell well, it's gift.  
  
(The zelda cast walk into the auditions room and sit in their respective chairs.)  
  
Li: Okay, let's get this started.  
  
Link: How? This studio has only came into existence five minutes.  
  
Li: Don't worry, people will come.  
  
Link: No they won't.  
  
Li: How much you wanna bet.  
  
Link: Two-hundred rupees.  
  
Li: Deal. *they shake hands*  
  
All: Witness.  
  
Audition #1 Jack Nicholson  
  
Link: Dammit.  
  
Li: Hehehe.  
  
(Links hands over the money.)  
  
Link: How did you know?  
  
Li: 1 this my fic, 2 I am an author, 3 I can do anything!! *laughs like a maniac*  
  
Link: *Under breath* No you can't.  
  
(Li snaps his fingers, and a sandbag falls on him.)  
  
Zelda: Link!  
  
Li: Ha Ha! Your an idiot doubting my power...  
  
*BANG*  
  
(Li falls to the floor clunching his head, while Zelda stands over him, frying pan in hand.)  
  
Malon: Li!!  
  
Zelda: He deserves it.  
  
Malon: No, he didn't!  
  
Zelda: He did, and don't worry that heads made out of iron.  
  
Malon: Well, uh...you don't know how right you are.  
  
Zelda: *Looks at frying pan* Damn! His head left an imprint.  
  
Nabooru: That gives a whole new meaning to the term 'Metal Head'.  
  
Darunia: That sucked.  
  
Nabooru: Sorry, it was my first time, aren't I allowed a freebie  
  
Darunia: No, because it really sucked.  
  
Li: Okay *rubs head* time to start these auditions.  
  
Link: Yeah, let's.  
  
(Jack Nicholson enters holding a script.)  
  
Li: Okay Jack, let's hear a few lines.  
  
(Jack says a few lines, though doing it well, but the cast is scetptical. Huddling together, they make a decision.)  
  
Link: Sorry, your not what we're looking for.  
  
Jack: Why?  
  
Link: We have our reasons.  
  
Jack: What are they?  
  
Link: You want the truth?  
  
Jack: Yes!  
  
Li: Are ou sure!?  
  
Jack: Yes!  
  
Malon: Positive!?  
  
Jack: YES!! I WANT THE TRUTH!!!  
  
Rauru: YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!!!  
  
All:...  
  
Rauru: What?  
  
Li: Sit down.  
  
Rauru: But...  
  
Link: Just sit down.  
  
Rauru: I...  
  
Nabooru: SIT YOUR FAT ASS DOWN!!!!  
  
(Rauru immediatly sits his ass down.)  
  
Zelda: It wasn't that bad, I mean the idea of saying right to Jack Nicholson's face is comical.  
  
Link: Yeah, it kinda was.  
  
Li: Moving on, Jack, your physique is not what we're looking for.  
  
Jack How so?  
  
Li: Your short, fat, old and balding. We need someone that's tall, muscular, young and has hair.  
  
Jack: I'll leave now.  
  
Audition #14 John Travolta  
  
Li: How the Hell did you get in?  
  
John: I have my methods.  
  
Li: I seriously have to talk to security.  
  
John: Now moving on.  
  
(John recites a few lines.)  
  
All:...  
  
Link: Sorry but no.  
  
John: Why?  
  
Li: Because your homicidal psycopath that would kill us all if a miligram of sugar entered your systm!!  
  
(John runs off crying like a little girl, a trait shared with Ganondorf.)  
  
Zelda: There was no need to be that mean.  
  
Li: His movie "Grease" was an insult to the music business.  
  
Malon: Is music that important to you?  
  
Li: I love music, for example the Zelda Theme song is one I like.  
  
Link: Really?  
  
Li: Yes it a good melody, plus it got my mind off the fact that Zelda sent you back whe it was clear she wanted you  
to shove your tongue down her throat.  
  
Link and Zelda:...  
  
Impa: What? I actually have some lines, ahem, what makes you so sure he's a psycopath.  
  
Li: The movies he's played bad guys in.  
  
Impa: True.  
  
Audition #27 Majora's Mask  
  
Li: So you want to audition?  
  
Majora's Mask: Yes.  
  
Link: Why?  
  
M.M.: To redeem myself.  
  
Li: Yeah, you were beaten by a ten year-old. *snicker*  
  
M.M.: A spiritually charged ten year-old.  
  
Li: Dude, you do know he could've beaten you without the fierce diety mask.  
  
M.M.: Well boosts my self-esteem.  
  
Li: Okay tell you what you can skip the oral part of the audision.  
  
M.M.: Really? Cool.  
  
Link: But you have to impress us in the other part.  
  
M.M.: Which is?  
  
Li: Ladies...  
  
(Out of nowhere thier is drum rolling and spot lights. After a few seconds the lights fall on Zelda, Malon, Nabooru and  
Impa in shiny gowns sticking out their arms presenting a closed curtain.)  
  
Li: Open the Curtain!  
  
(Saria jumps down riding the rope which in turn opens the curtain, revealing the word "Survival".)  
  
Ladies: Survival.  
  
M.M.: *To Link* I'm screwed aren't I?  
  
Link: Oh yeah.  
  
Li: *evil grin* Let's get started.  
  
Two hours of pain, torture, emotional damage later...  
  
M.M.: *weakly* Is it over?  
  
Li: Just one more thing. *begins cutting rope*  
  
M.M.: Does it involve the huge boulder dangling 50 feet above.  
  
Li:...No.  
  
M.M.: At this point I will be reading out my will.*pulls out will* All my worldly possesions of great power and immense   
evil will go to my life long friend H...  
  
*CRASH*  
  
(Without warning the boulder falls on the poor mask spreading it's body fragments to the wind.)  
  
Li: Oops.  
  
Link: All people that think Li shouldn't be in charge of the survival, say aye.  
  
All: Aye!!  
  
Li: Hmph! Backstabbers!  
  
Audition #189 Sephiroth  
  
Darunia: Before we get started, Li can you tell me where's the little boys room?  
  
Li: Okay I'm only going to say this once so pay attention. When you get out of here take a right then left another left  
then head down that hallway until you rwach a picture of the master sword, after that take a right, left, right, right  
when you get to the water fountain take a left, right, left, left, left, right until you reach the film room there you   
take a right and your there.  
  
(Darunia blinks a few times and leaves, then in comes the last person Li would expect to see.)  
  
Li: What the hell? Sephiroth?  
  
Zelda: You know him?  
  
Li: Unfortunatly.  
  
Sephiroth: You again?  
  
Li: Yup.  
  
Sephiroth: I'm not getting the part am I.  
  
Li: I dunno. Maybe.  
  
Malon: Wait how do you two know each other?  
  
Li: He wanted to be apart of my FF7 comedy fic.  
  
Malon: You have another fic?  
  
Li: Well, not yet, but I've finished the casting.  
  
Sephiroth: Which I will not be a part of.  
  
Link: You lucky son of a bitch.  
  
Li: Alright, let's begin.  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Darunia: left, right, left, left...?  
  
(Looks around and yells.)  
  
Darunia: HELLO!!! *his voice echo's and fades*  
  
Back at the studio...  
  
Sephiroth: These toys are too much for you, I order you to return them now!  
  
Zelda:...  
  
Li: Hate to admit it, but that was very good.  
  
Saria: It was awesome.  
  
Link: Now for the survival part of this audition.  
  
Back to Darunia...  
  
Darunia: Damn I have to go.  
  
(Suddenly a door opens revealing a janitor.)  
  
Darunia: You wouldn't happen know where the bathroom is?  
  
Janitor: Sorry, I'm new here.  
  
Darunia: Dammit.  
  
Back to the auditions...  
  
Link: Li the final word is yours.  
  
Li: I don't know.  
  
Zelda: What!? This guy's great!  
  
Li: But he killed her...  
  
Malon: Who?  
  
Li: Aeris that's who!  
  
Sephiroth: You mean the ancient. So she was pathetic anyway.  
  
Li: Pathetic?! She sacrificed herself to try and save the world!  
  
Sephiroth: What do you care? Your a Cloud and Tifa fan.  
  
Li: That doesn't mean I hate the other characters!  
  
Sephiroth: Your getting to emotional.  
  
Li: *to homself* Must resist...urge to...pound the evil known as...Sephitoth, fifty...feet into the ground.  
  
Link: Hmm, your good, welcome aboard.  
  
(Sephiroth shakes Link's hand while shooting Malon a smile.)  
  
Li: *supressing hellbent urge to kill Sephiroth* Must control rage.  
  
Sephiroth: Hello your Malon right? Who you like to have dinner?  
  
Malon: Sorry, I'm taken.  
  
Sephiroth: I'm not giving you a choice in the matter. *grabs Malon's arm*  
  
(Without warning the whole world turns black, Sephiroth looks around the Zelda cast, apparently gone.)  
  
Sephiroth: What the...?  
  
(Out of nowhere a gust of wind hits him from behind. Quickly turning around he found it's source, Li. The other charcters  
behind him, sand bags in front of them and helmets on their heads, waving good-bye.)  
  
Li: Now feel the wrath of the authors powers!!!  
  
(The earth shakes, huge spikes pierce the surface surronding Li, and with one last menacing look at Sephiroth, he sent  
forth a immense blast of magic at him.)  
  
Sephiroth: Damn!  
  
(Sephiroth vainly trys to turn tail and run but Li's magic is to fast, the blast sends him skyward.)  
  
Li: Ha.  
  
Malon: You didn't have to go that far.  
  
Li: Trying to infest my fic was bad enough, but putting the moves on you was the last straw.  
  
Malon: So all that was a ploy to protect me.  
  
Li: Yup.  
  
Malon: I think it's time to end this fic.  
  
Li: Why?  
  
Malon: It'll interfer with our date. *smiles and leans towrad Li*  
  
Li: Right, but I can't help thinking we forgot something.  
  
Back to Darunia...  
  
Darunia: Need...toilet.  
  
(Darunai makes a right turn and see's the most wonderful thing, the bathrooms.)  
  
Darunia: Finally. *runs toward the mens room*  
  
(When the Goron reaches the bathroom he finds the most horrible thing pasted tp the door, Out of Order.)  
  
Darunia: No, it's not fair, IT'S NOT FAIR!!! *breaksdown and crys*  
  
A/N: This has been a test of whether Zelda humor can be funny with out bashing Ganondorf and Ruto. Now, I'm REALLY sorry  
if this chapter sucked. If by some freak of nature chance that you actually didn't hate this with every fiber of your being  
please review. Alright and don't worry Ganondorf and Ruto will be back, permanently, oh yeah, the next chapter will have a   
special guest. 


	5. BabySitting

Disclaimer: Characters owned by Nintendo. Lucky Bastards...  
  
  
  
Field Day  
  
By Li Kenta  
  
Chapter 5  
  
  
  
Li: Hi, guys.  
  
Link: Hey, Li. Who's that?  
  
(Link points to a squirming two-year-old in Li's arms.)  
  
Li: Oh, this is my baby cousin Micheal.  
  
Zelda: Oh he's so cute.  
  
(Zelda takes the baby from Li's hands into hers and tickles the little guy. Micheal laughs happily apparently taking a   
liking to the hylian princess.)  
  
Saria: Can I play with him?  
  
(Zelda reluncantly handed Saria the baby, the kokiri begins playing with the little guy.)  
  
Li: Seeing as how you like the him, can I ask a favor?  
  
Ganondorf: Hmm, what is it?  
  
Li: Could you baby-sit him, you see I'm going somewhere and it's to dangerous for him.  
  
Link: Okay, no problem.  
  
Li: Oh, and if he becomes to much of a problem just take him to Malon, she'll know what to do.  
  
Ganondorf: *crotching* How can this pathetic little thing be a problem?  
  
(Micheal looks at the evil Gerudo for a while, then takes out his favorite toy, a wooden hammer.)  
  
Ganondorf: Ahh, you gonna hit me with that pathetic ascuse for a weapon?  
  
(Immediatly after Ganondorf finished his question, the toddler smashed the hammer against the wizaeds nose.)  
  
Link: Li, I really like your cousin.  
  
Ruto: *grabs Mike* Yeah, he's so cute.  
  
(Mike looks at her for a while before crying loudly.)  
  
Zelda: *takes Mike, he stops crying* What did you do to him?  
  
Ruto: Nothing, I just grab him like this.  
  
(Ruto grabs the baby agian, and like before he crys.)  
  
Zelda: *takes Mike* Seems like he doesn't like you.  
  
Ruto: Yeah, right.  
  
(Again dhe attempts to take him, this time before he could reach him he let out a small yelp.)  
  
Li: Thanks, you guys are a big help.  
  
Zelda: Actually, I have some diplomatic issues I need to attend to.  
  
Saria: I have to check on the forest.  
  
Nabooru: Some men were captured spying on the fortress, I need to decide their...punishment.  
  
Impa: I must go with princess.  
  
Rauru: The Light temple needs to be cleaned.  
  
(Li looks at the four remaining, Link, Ganondorf, Ruto and Darunia.)  
  
Li: First off, Darunia your not going to baby-sit him.  
  
Darunia: Why?  
Li: First, I saw you give that "friendly" pat to Link, second you'd probably mistake baby-sitting as actually sitting on  
the kid.  
  
Link: Yeah it's true.  
  
Ruto: You do kind have a habit of doing that.  
  
Darunia: Fine, I'll go but hear this Li, I'll be back and when I am you will go through tremendous amounts of pain!  
  
Li: *picking food out his teeth* What? I'm sorry I wasn't paying attention.  
  
Darunia: Damn you.  
  
(Darunia walks toward Death Mountain.)  
  
Li: Okay, thanks guys, *hands Mike to Link and leaves*  
  
(Li begins to walk away and before he's out of hearing range, yells.)  
  
Li: Remeber, if he becomes a problem take him to Malon!!  
  
Ganondorf: How can this Imp be a problem?  
  
Link: He could wack you in the nose again with his hammer.  
  
Ganondorf: He got lucky.  
  
Link: Well kid, let me give you a brief rundown of Hyrule.  
  
(He takes the toddler on his shoulder.)  
  
Link: Over their is Hyrule castle too it's left is Kakoriko Village and Death Mountain. Behind us is Lake Hylia, to our  
left is Lon Lon Ranch, and in the west is Gerudo Fortress. To our right is the river that leads to Zora's Domain.  
  
Ganondorf: I don't know why you tell him this, he's an idiot and doesn't understand a word you say.  
  
(Without warning a small wooden hammer nailed Ganondorf right between the eyes, causing him to fall into the river.  
  
Ruto: I think he understood that.  
  
Link: Huh? What's that sign say?  
  
(Link and Ruto head towards the sign, while a large group a Octorok surrond Ganondorf.)  
  
Ganondorf: Uh...guys?  
  
Link: 'Warning do not enter water, Otorock mating season'?  
  
Ganondorf: They...look pissed...  
  
Ruto: Of course, during Otorock mating season, going into this river is suicide.  
  
Link: Why?  
  
Ruto: The males shoot rocks none stop until the invader is either dead or leaves.  
  
(At those words the Otorocks launched rocks out of their mouthes, each one nailing Ganondorf.)  
  
Ruto: Should we help him?  
  
Link: *restraining laughter* Give it a few minutes,  
  
(They continued to watch Ganondorf get the shit beat out of him. Eventually a tooth flies from Ganondorf's mouth.)  
  
Link: I think now is a good time to help him.  
  
(They drag Ganondorf unconsious carcass from the river.)  
  
Ruto: *slaping him* Wake up!"  
  
(They continue to try waking him up. Mike suddenly jumps from Links hands and lands on the gerudo's stomch, which, in   
turn causes him him to spit a stream of water right in Links face.)  
  
Ganondorf: *cough, cough*  
  
Ruto: Are you okay?  
  
Ganondorf: *in a daze* Night, mommy...  
  
Link: I really like this kid.  
  
(Ruto smacks Ganondorf getting him out of his hallucinating state. At the same time Mike starts crying uncontrolably.)  
  
Ruto: Why's he crying? I didn't touch him.  
  
Ganondorf: Turn it off!  
  
Link: I think this is a good time to take him to Malon.  
  
(After a few minutes of walking with bawling two-year-old, they reach Lon Lon Ranch.)  
  
Link: Malon!!  
  
Malon: *appears from behind the stables* What? huh, oh Micheal.  
  
(Malon takes Mike from Link's arms and at that preciswe moment he stops crying.)  
  
Link: Looks like Li isn't the only one in the Kenta family that likes red-heads.  
  
Malon: Micheals just a bit hungry, I'll get him some milk.  
  
Link: I could use some.  
  
(The trio enter Malon's house, leaving Ganondorf and Ruto by themselves.)  
  
Ruto: So...  
  
Ganondorf: *snicker*.  
  
Ruto: What's so funny?  
  
Ganondorf: That cuccos has taken a liking to your leg.  
  
(Ruto looks down to see indeed a cuccos cuddling next to her leg.)  
  
Ruto: Hey!! Buzz off!!  
  
Ganondorf: Doesn't look like he's listening.  
  
(Ruto walks away from the would-be poultry, hoping it would give it the rooster the idea to leave her alone. Instead  
the bird continued to follow her, while Ganondorf sat in the shadows, curious to see what would happen.)  
  
In Malon's house...  
  
Link: You sure know how to handle the little guy.  
  
Malon: Yeah, well, he's been here before.  
  
Link: Really, how?  
  
Malon: Li, comes here all the time when not in his fanfic.  
  
Link: Oh...  
  
Outside...  
  
Ruto: I told you leave me alone. *kicks the rooster*  
  
(At that exact moment every animal went silent, Ruto looked around to see cuccos every where, in front of her, behind, on  
the roof and fences. Finally she saw the rooster she kicked looking pissed.)  
  
Ruto: Uhhh...  
  
Rooster: PUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!  
  
(At the mighty call every cuccos in the ranch attack Ruto.)  
  
Back at the house...  
  
Link: Huh? Ganodorf, where the hell's Ruto?  
  
(Ganondorf looks through the window, and saw Ruto running from the ranch, with a fleet of cuccos chasing and pecking   
her.)  
  
Ganondorf:...She had to leave suddenly.  
  
Link: Oh, okay.  
  
Malon: OH, NO!!!!!!!!!!  
  
(The two men cringed at the sound of Malon's screech, and saw her running down the stairs.)  
  
Meanwhile with Ruto...  
  
Ruto: Get off. *throws cuccos off her*  
  
(Ruto continues running until she reaches Zora's river, getting the idea that she is safe she jumps in. Immediatly the  
flock of birds stop in their tracks and back of.)  
  
Ruto: What? *throws water* afraid of a little...  
  
(Without warning a group of Octoroks surrond her.)  
  
Ruto: Crap...  
  
(In perfect unison the group of males shot rocks at her.)  
  
Back at Malon's...  
  
Malon: Micheals, missing!!  
  
Link: Oh shit, if Li finds out he'll kill us or least add more chapters.  
  
Reader: Yes!!  
  
Ganondorf: Oh, shut up!  
  
Link: Where did you see him last?  
  
Malon: I was putting him down for a nap and I opened a window so it...that's it!!!  
  
(The trio runs up the stares to the bedroom, only to see the window gutters fluttering. The immediatly looked through it,  
and indeed the find Micheal walking on the roof.)  
  
Malon: Ganondorf go get him!!  
  
Ganondorf: What makes you think I'll...  
  
Malon: NOW!!!!!  
  
Ganondorf: Yes, Ma'am.  
  
(The gerudo king steps on the roof and begins following Micheal.)  
  
Ganondorf: Okay runt, come here.  
  
(Mike looks at Ganondorf for a while before throwing his hammer at him. Again the the hammer met with a portion of his   
face, this time his jaw.)  
  
Ganondorf: That's it! *dives for Micheal*  
  
(The little guy merely sat down, causing Ganondorf to miss him completly.)  
  
Ganondorf: Damn, missd...  
  
*CRASH*  
  
(Ganondorf head ramed right through the wall of the stables.)  
  
Malon: Oooo...  
  
Link: That would hurt him.  
  
(That situation sudenly turned bad as Mike jumped off the side of the roof.)  
  
Malon: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Link: Oh no.  
  
(Link goes to the side of the roof and see's...Mike happily bouncing in a pile of hay.)  
  
Link: He's okay!  
  
Malon: Thank, Farore! I'll be right down.  
  
Link: *jumps down* Okay Mike let's go.  
  
(Toddler just ran towards the horse's.)  
  
Link: No, come back!  
  
(Mike goes behind a horse, wanting to play with it's tail.)  
  
Link: Come here.  
  
(Link reaches for Mike only to accidently touch the hores rump. The horse, feeling his personal space was beyond violated,  
gave Link a solid kick with his back legs.)  
  
Link: *clutching head and chest* Pain...  
  
Malon: There you are.  
  
(Malon picks up the happy toddler and cradles him in her arms.)  
  
Malon: Don't you ever scare me like that again.  
  
Li: Hey guys, you here!?  
  
Malon: Li!  
  
(Malom quickly ran to the entrance of her ranch and saw Li, draging Ruto unconsious carcass and being followed by an army   
cuccos.)  
  
Li: Don't ask.  
  
(Link and Ganondorf appear behind him, looking beyond pissed.)  
  
Li: I see the little guy gave you a bit of trouble.  
  
Malon: He wasn't any trouble at all.  
  
Ganondorf: Yeah, he was a curse!  
  
(For the fourth time that day Mike's hammer met a portion of Ganondorf's face, this time his left eye.)  
  
Link: I don't care what anybody says, this kid's great.  
  
Ruto: Eggs are funny. *collapse*  
  
Li: Well, I have to go, Mike's got to be at home by five or my aunt's going to have my head.  
  
Malon: I'll help you out.  
  
(The pair leave with Mike.)  
  
Link: Whew.  
  
Ganondorf: What?  
  
Link: You have to realize that eveytime Li ends a chapter he hurts someone badly.  
  
Ganondorf: Well I'm leaving.  
  
(The gerudo king walks of, leaving a nervous Link standing alone.)  
  
Link: Looks like I'm safe.  
  
*SLAM*  
  
(Out of nowhere Darunia body slams Link.)  
  
Darunia: That's what you get for leaving me out of this chapter Li. *pounds Links body into the ground*  
  
(After the pummeling Link he grabs him by the collar, and finally realizes who he is.)  
  
Darunia: Oops... *drops Link*  
  
(Darunia looks around before whistling and walks off.)  
  
A/N: Well here you are a new chapter, bet you didn't expect my cousin to make an apperance. For all of you asking, yes,  
he does act like that, not literally but he likes to hit and jump on people, well me at least. Also I would like to thank   
an author that has been reviewing since the beginning. Kiana, thank you. 


	6. Death City, For Ganondorf anyway

Disclaimer: Characters owned by Nintendo. God bless Shigeru Miyamoato!!  
  
  
  
Field Day  
  
By Li Kenta  
  
Chapter 6  
  
  
  
Li: Hey, guys.  
  
Link: Hey Li, what no Mike?  
  
Li: Sadly, his first apperance was his last, as funny as it was.  
  
Ganondorf: Speak for yourself.  
  
Zelda: I still can't believe such a cute little baby, made mince meat out of the king of evil.  
  
Li: Man, your pathetic.  
  
Ganondorf: Oh really. *takes out steel guantlet and smacks Li*  
  
Malon: Li!!  
  
(Malon checks on Li, on the floor with a huge red mark on his cheek.)  
  
Ganondorf: Ha, you couldn't even withstand that. *Laughs*  
  
Saria: Hey, you used a steel guantlet!  
  
Ganondorf: So, if he were a true warrior, he would have withstood that.  
  
Li: It's okay Saria.  
  
(Li approaches Ganondorf and starts pulling of his right glove. Ganondorf merely scoffs, apparently seeing the piece of   
leather as nothing dangerous. The glove finally off, Li prepares to smack the unimpressed gerudo, finally he hit   
Ganondorf on the top of his head, sending him to the ground with his head imbeded in the ground.)  
  
All:...  
  
Nabooru: How the hell did you do that?  
  
(Li merely sticks out his hand, shaking the glove. It's contents spill to the ground, four horse shoes and Epona.)  
  
Malon: How did get all that in their?  
  
Li: Took a leason from Bugs Bunny.  
  
Zelda: That explains a lot.  
  
Darunia: Two questions. One, am I going to be included in this fic? Two, where are we going?  
  
Li: One, yes, Two, we're going to Hyrule Castle Town.  
  
Ganondorf: *pulls head out of ground* You do know that everybody there wants me dead, don't you?  
  
Li: What are you chicken? *cluck like a chicken*  
  
Ruto: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! *skyrockets...literally*  
  
Li:...Could someone explain?  
  
Rauru: Ever since the last chapter, she's had a very big fear of chickens.  
  
Impa: Yes, every time she even heer's chicken noises she skyrockets, in a literal sense.  
  
Nabooru: And she's do back in three, two, one...  
  
*CRASH*  
  
Darunia: Now.  
  
Ruto: Poultry will take over the world...   
  
Link: Riiiiiiiiiiight.  
  
Li: I think it's about time we got going.  
  
(The group pulls Ruto out of her crater and head toward Hyrules largest city.)  
  
Li: This outta be interesting.  
  
Malon: Why?  
  
Li: Let's just say I have something planned.  
  
Ganondorf: I am so dead.  
  
Li: Yes, yes you are.  
  
Inside Hyrule Castle Town...  
  
Zelda: Finally I'm home.  
  
Guard: Hello Princess Zelda. how are you...CALL THE ARMY!!! DRAGMIRE'S BACK!!!!  
  
(In a matter of mere seconds a huge group of guard come.)  
  
Ganondorf: *grabs Zelda's arm* Call them off!  
  
Guard #2: He's assaulting the princess, GET HIM!!!  
  
Ganondorf: *grabs Link and uses him as a shield* STAY BACK!!!  
  
Guard #3: He's using the princess' boyfriend as a shield!  
  
Guard #4: Subdue him!  
  
(At those words, the group of guards started to be the crap out of the gerudo.)  
  
Li: Hmm.  
  
Malon: What?  
  
Li: I'm suprised they're doing this.  
  
Zelda: What, you think they shouldn't beat the crap out of him?  
  
Li: No, it's not that, it's the fact that they're doing their jobs.  
  
Link: Wow, that is suprising.  
  
Impa: I think we should go to the market, you know to give the guards some room.  
  
Nabooru: Agreed.  
  
(The group heads toward the market while Ganondorf is being pummeled into the ground.)  
  
Little Girl: *hiding something* Hi!  
  
Ruto: Ah, your so cute, what do you have their?  
  
Little Girl: My pet cucco, Runner!  
  
(Ruto is wide eyed before the cucco's clucks and she skyrockets.)  
  
Link: *looking up* Damn, she can fly high.  
  
Malon: When do you think she'll come down?  
  
Zelda: Well judging from the increased volume of her screams, in a little while.  
  
Li: According to her shadow she's going to fall in the fountain.  
  
*CRASH*  
  
Li: Or not.  
  
(Ruto landed on the streets of the market, making yet another crater.)  
  
Ruto: White meat is evil. *collapse*  
  
Ganondorf: Help... *puts his hand on Sria's shoulder.*  
  
Guard #2: Where did he...oh no, he's assualting a young child!  
  
Ganondorf: No, I'm not! *runs*  
  
Guard #1: He's resisting arest, get him!  
  
(Ganondorf runs for the sake of remaining unshattered body parts, in process he knocks down Malon.)  
  
Li: Hey, watch it, you moron.  
  
Guard #4; Hit and run, hit and run!  
  
Ganondorf: God dammit!  
  
Guard #3: Using god's name in vain!  
  
Link: Damn, they're slapping on everything they can.  
  
Ganondorf: Nabooru, help a fellow gerudo!  
  
Nabooru: No way.  
  
Ganondorf: *grabs her* Please!  
  
Guard #1: He's assaulting Nabooru!  
  
Men: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!  
  
Guard #2: That means the gerudo's will no longer come here!  
  
Men: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!  
  
Gurad #3: No more 'favors' from them!  
  
Men: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!  
  
Guard #4: No more gerudo's!  
  
Men: SWEET CREATOR'S OF HYRULE, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!  
  
Impa: I had no idea how many perverts their are in Hyrule.  
  
Guards: GET HIM!!!!  
  
Ganondorf: *running* I am so dead.  
  
Ruto: Evil chicken.  
  
Ganondorf: Get out of my way! *knocks Ruto over*  
  
Guard #4: He has hit Princess Ruto.  
  
All:...  
  
Guard #3: Is that bad?  
  
Guard #1: Well, I don't think it's good.  
  
Guard #2: Do you think we should do something?  
  
Guard #4: I don't know, this is confusing.  
  
Link: Hitting Ruto, good or bad, what do you think Li?  
  
Li: Hmm... *sits down* You might wanna take out a big sandwich, this going to take a while.  
  
Two hours later...  
  
Guards and Li: So confused...  
  
Rauru: Oh for the love of the gods, beat the crap out of him!  
  
Guard #1: Works for me.  
  
Guards #2-4: Yeah!  
  
Ganondorf: Crap. *snaps fingers*  
  
(Again the guards begin to kick Ganondorf's ass.)  
  
Li: Ha ha ha, stupid Ganonmonkey.  
  
Malon: You enjoy seeing him in pain, don't you?  
  
Li: Hey, he hurt you, the bastard got what he deserved.  
  
Malon: You're highly protective, aren't you?  
  
Li: Yup.  
  
Malon: Umm, Li *whispers into ear*  
  
Li: Yes ma'am! *the couple dissapear*  
  
Zelda: Where did they go?  
  
Link: Fifty rupee's say their making out.  
  
Ruto: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! *runs of in some random direction*  
  
Link: Let's go.  
  
Saria: Question. Where?  
  
Link: After Ruto, becuase if she interupts them, Li's going to be pissed, meaning we'll have to suffer.  
  
Zelda: Let's go!  
  
Elsewhere...  
  
Ruto: Must find Li.  
  
(The evil known as Ruto, continued looking through the back alleys of the city. She was about give up, when she heard   
giggling, from behind some barrels.)  
  
Ruto: No... *lifts barrels*  
  
(The princess of Zoras looks on in horror as Li and Malon continued to makeout, taking no notice to her presence. After   
about a minute she started to tap her foot impatiently, at he five minute mark she had enough.)  
  
Ruto: Hey!  
  
Li: God dammit! It's just like the demon fish to interupt us!  
  
Ruto: Get of him!  
  
Malon: Wanna make me?  
  
Li: *thinking* This would appeal to me more, if only Malon wasn't fighting a cross between fish, man, demons, satan,   
pure evil and some biohazzardous material mixed in.  
  
Malon: You can't beat me.  
  
Ruto: How are you so sure?  
  
Malon: I have this! *pulls out pocket cuco*  
  
(Again Ruto looked at the bain of her existence, this time travel sized.)  
  
P.C.: Cluck.  
  
Ruto: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *skyrockets*  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Darunia: Crap, I couldn't find them.  
  
Link: Impossible...  
  
Saria: Oh gods, send us a sign.  
  
(Saria gets her sign, Ruto flying into the air...and then coming down, on top of a building.)  
  
*CRASH*  
  
*CRASH*  
  
*CRASH*  
  
Zelda: Ouch.  
  
Link: Hmm.  
  
Nabooru: What?  
  
Link: That's a four story building.  
  
Rauru: So?  
  
Link: We should have heard another crash.  
  
Zelda: We don't have time to think about this, lets go and find those two.  
  
Li: There's no need.  
  
Link: There you are.  
  
Malon: We're here.  
  
Rauru: So what were you two doing?  
  
All:...  
  
Rauru: What?  
  
Saria: Don't tell me you don't what they were doing.  
  
Rauru: Uhhh...  
  
Li: Okay, he's an idiot, don't talk to him.  
  
Zelda: So, is this the end of the chapter?  
  
Li: I don't know, something's missing.  
  
Link: What?  
  
Ganondorf: Ahhhh!! *still running from the guards*  
  
Guard #1: He stepped on the grass!  
  
Guard #3: Get him!  
  
Impa: Was that it?  
  
Li: Part of it, but something else needs to happen.  
  
Darunia: Like?  
  
*CRASH*  
  
Zelda: Huh?  
  
Link: Looks like Ruto has finished falling.  
  
Malon: Ha ha!  
  
Li: Guess that'll do.  
  
A/N: Well that's chapter six, hope you liked it, ah the endless pain a cause Ganondorf and Ruto, it's pretty damn funny   
isn't? Lets see, next chapter me and the group Hyrule residents unfortunate to have me as an author will head to Death   
Mountain, heh heh heh, Ganondorf is so dead. Oh and if case your wondering Angel and Devil called me Domi-Lama if theirs  
a small chance (I seem to rely on these alot) you want to know where the hell they got it from it is my actual name, if  
you want to know what that is check out my profile. 


	7. Mountain Climbing

Disclaimer: Characters owned by Nintendo. God bless Shigeru Miyamoato!!  
Field Day  
  
By Li Kenta  
  
Chapter 7  
Li: Hi, guys.  
  
Ganondorf: You again!!!?  
  
Li: Yup.  
  
Zelda: So, what do you have planned for us today?  
  
Li: Death Mountain.  
  
Link: You know in Ganondorf's case that can be taken taken quite literally.  
  
Nabooru: Yeah, that's true.  
  
Li: Don't worry, he won't be killed *under breath* to quickly.  
  
Malon: What?  
  
Li: Nothing. *evil grin*  
  
Ganondorf: I am so dead.  
  
Impa: Don't worry, you'll just get injured, well maybe suffer, a lot...so much that you might actually beg for death.  
  
Ganondorf: Please don't talk anymore.  
  
Li: Well, let's go.  
  
Darunia: I'll lead the way.  
  
(After a while our favorite group of Hyrule inhabitants make it to the infamous Death Mountain.)  
  
Link: Here we are, Death Mountain.  
  
Darunia: Home sweet home.  
  
Nabooru: Or grave, in Ganondorf case.  
  
Ganondorf: *sarcasticaly* Oh, thanks a lot.  
  
Nabooru: No problem.  
  
Li: Well let's go.  
  
Woman: Come back!  
  
(The group turns to the direction of the yell, seeing woman chasing a cucco. The white bird merly runs toward the group  
and jumps on Ruto's shoulder.)  
  
Cucco: Puck!!  
  
Ruto: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! *skyrockets*  
  
All:...  
  
Zelda: Looks like she hasn't got over her fear of cucco's.  
  
(The team looks as Ruto increases in altitude, then decsending and finally crashing on top of Death Mountain.)  
  
Malon: Come on, we have to find her!  
  
Li: Question, why?  
  
Malon: So I can laugh in her face.  
  
Li: I'm beginning to like you more and more.  
  
Rauru: Can we go?  
  
Link: Yeah, let's go!  
  
(The group make their way to the top of the volcano.)  
  
Li: *pulling Malon to the side* Be careful!  
  
Link: *pulling Zelda to the side* Yeah, watch out!  
  
Rauru: For what?  
  
*BAM*  
  
(A huge boulder nails the oblivious sage.)  
  
Li and Link: That!  
  
Ganondorf: Oh well, no more fatass.  
  
Darunia: Come on, let's keep going.  
  
15 minutes later...  
  
Darunia: Goron City, we're finally here.  
  
Malon: But no sign of Ruto.  
  
Li: She must be near the summit.  
  
Link: But if we all take the normal road, it'll take us a while.  
  
Ganondorf: What's this bomb-like thing growing out of the ground.  
  
Link: Let's split into two groups, Darunia with your supply of red tunics, you take Saria, Impa and Nabooru through the   
crater. And please don't get them killed.  
  
Ganondorf: What the? I just picked it up and this fuse started.  
  
Li: We'll take Malon, Zelda and Ganondorf.  
  
Ganondorf: Hey guys, look at this.  
  
Zelda: Um. that's a...  
  
Ganondorf: The fuse is I out wonder what's going...  
  
*BOOM*  
  
(The group immediatky run to the cliff side the idiotic gerudo flew off of.)  
  
Li: Where is he?  
  
Impa: He's coming down, *points at falling Ganondorf* fast.  
  
*CRASH*  
  
(The unfortunate former king of evil, fell on a sharp rock...back first, arching him in the wrong direction.)  
  
Li: Ooooo, that's gotta, no matter how funny it is.  
  
Ganondorf: OH GODS!! Nothing can be more painful then this!!!  
  
*CRUNCH*  
  
*CRASH*  
  
*CRACK*  
  
(Immediatly after Ganondorf finished his sentence three boulder rolled over him.)  
  
Zelda: I will not be suprised if I see him in a wheel chair.  
  
Li: *smiling* That has to suck!  
  
Link: Don't tell me you planned this.  
  
Li: No, I had a different plan.  
  
Malon: What was the original plan?  
  
Li: Well...*deep breath* I was going to lure into the death mountain crater by telling him their are extremely valuable  
things in there, after I would make the volcano erupt, resulting in him flying towards Hyrule Castle Town and eventually  
getting impaled on a weather vane.  
  
All:...  
  
Zelda: You like hurting Ganondorf, don't you?  
  
Li: As much as Malon likes hurting Ruto.  
  
Link: I'm suprised he isn't dead yet.  
  
Li: I have to keep him alive, he's the center of comedic attention.  
  
Darunia: That is true.  
  
Impa: Well, I think it's time to go our seperate ways.  
  
Link: Yeah, let's go, come on Li.  
  
Malon: See ya in a little while.  
  
Li: Well here comes the diffcult part.  
  
Zelda: What's the difficult part?  
  
Li: We're going to have to run under flying, flaming rocks.  
  
Link: Which is going to be difficult.  
  
Li: Not really.  
  
Link: Why not?  
  
Li: Did you forget what I am?  
  
Link: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...  
  
Li: I'm the author, dumbass.  
  
Link: Oh yeah.  
  
Li: How could you forget?  
  
Link: It's not that, I just thought you were a deranged psycopath that somehow stumbled into our world.  
  
Li: I'm going to get you back for that.  
  
Malon: Um, guys, can we go?  
  
Li: Let's go.  
  
(The group climbs until they reach the supposed safe path leading to the summit.)  
  
Link: Be ready to run!  
  
Li: Ready...go!!!  
  
(The pair of couples start sprinting as a large amount of rocks fall from the mountain.)  
  
Li: This is where I come in.  
  
(Li snaps his finger, in turn the every rock turns in a new direction.)  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Head Carpenter: Finally, those lazy bums have built a new house, nothing can ruin this moment.  
  
*KABOOM*  
  
(The rocks Li averted crashed right into the new house.)  
  
H.D.: Why the hell do I continously keep getting screwed over like this?  
  
To Darunia's group...  
  
Darunia: Well, we made it to the summit.  
  
Impa, Nabooru and Saria: Thank, Din!  
  
Darunia: Oh come on it wasn't that bad.  
  
Nabooru: I lost six pounds.  
  
Impa: I was nearly fried in my armor.  
  
Saria: Your son hit on me!  
  
Darunia: Yeah, the tikes getting to that age.  
  
Nabooru: I wonder where the others are?  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Li: I like this part.  
  
Link: Me too.  
  
(The duo take out their hookshots.)  
  
Malon: Since when do you have a hookshot?  
  
Zelda: Since he became an author.  
  
Li: *grabs Malon* Come on.  
  
Link: *grabs Zelda* Here we go.  
  
(Our favorite couples began flying towards the summit.)  
  
Zelda: Finally we're here.  
  
Saria: Hey guys!  
  
Malon: Hey Saria!  
  
Li: Looks like we all made now where's Ruto?  
  
Malon: Yeah, I want to laugh at her.  
  
Impa: We have been here a while, nothing has been found.  
  
Link: Where the hell could she be?  
  
Darunia: I think a friend of mine could help us. Hey, little Gon!!!  
  
(A rumbling following Darunia's yell, as the huge owner of the name little Gon appeared.)  
  
Little Gon: Yeah, Darunia, what is it?  
  
Darunia: we were wondering if you've seen a person we know?  
  
L.G.: What do they look like?  
  
Li: A satanic cross between woman and fish.  
  
L.G.: Oh yeah, really scary and a complete bitch attitude.  
  
Li: Well technically she's more of a twit.  
  
L.G.: That is true.  
  
Nabooru: Do we have to get into technicalities?  
  
Link: So have you seen her?  
  
L.G,: Well...I stepped on her.  
  
Li: Nothing bad about that.  
  
Malon: Can we see her?  
  
(The giant goton nods and lifts up his foot, to which Ruto seems to be stuck to.)  
  
Malon: Ha ha ha ha ha ha hya ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!  
  
Li: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!  
  
Link: Those two are made for each other.  
  
Zelda: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!  
  
Link: Oh well, monkey see, monkey do. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!  
  
Imps: I have a feeling Li's affected them in some way.  
  
All: No, you think?  
  
Li: Well, that was a good laugh.  
  
Malon: Yeah it was.  
  
Link: So now that we've found Ruto, is it the end of the chapter?  
  
Zelda: I don't know, I think I forgot something.  
  
Li: Oh, guess it was nothing important.  
  
*BOOM*  
  
(Without warning a single boulder shot out of the volcano, and headed towards the lower portion of Death Mountain.)  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Ganondorf: Help, help!! I'm in an extremely large amount of pain!!! And I think I have perminent spinal cord damage!!  
  
*SILENCE*  
  
Ganondorf: Is anyone their, I was run over by three boulders and...  
  
(Suddenly Ganondorf see's a light in the sky, rthen he see's it coming down...on him.)  
  
Ganondorf: of shi...  
  
*BOOM*  
  
Li: Hey I remebered what I had to do!  
  
Malon: Well?  
  
Li: ...Dammit I lost.  
  
Link: You'd lose your head if wern't for the flesh and bones holding it on your head.  
  
Li: Oh, shut up.  
  
A/N: I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaack. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry!!! I know this chapter is beyond late and probably   
sucks, but bear with me. I havn't had much acces to the internet since we switch to dsl (my new e-mail is   
zralf6969@sbcglobal.net for anybody that's intrested, plus the fact I haven't had starburst in alomst a month. again I   
apologize if this chapter doesn't live up to the others, sadly I was sane during the writing of this. Please R+R. 


	8. Random Crap

Disclaimer: Characters still owned by nintendo, despite my many attempts to gain ownership of them, damn copyright laws!  
  
A Field Day in Hyrule  
  
Chapter 8  
  
By Li Kenta  
  
(It was a peaceful day in Hyrule until...)  
  
Ganondorf: AHA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!  
  
(Ganondorf rampages through the land with an army of Moblins.)  
  
Link: Not so fast!!  
  
(Ganondorfs army turns to the direction of the voice to see Link with the Hylian army behind him.)  
  
Link: This ends here!  
  
Ganondorf: Yes, for you!!!!  
  
Link: Fat chance!!  
  
Ganondorf: HA!!! My army is invincable, right men!!!?  
  
(The army responds by yelling and raising their weapons to the air, only to get electrocuted by a barrage of lightning   
  
bolts.)  
  
All:...  
  
Moblin Army: *sizzle*  
  
Voice: Wrong!!  
  
Link: Could it be?  
  
Ganondorf: NO WAY!!!!  
  
Voice: Wrong again!  
  
(A wall of wind surrounds the King of Evil, blocking any escape.)  
  
Ganondorf: Oh, son of a... *head gets smashed into the ground by a pair of booted feet*  
  
Li: I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaack.  
  
Link: It's about damn time.  
  
Li: You actually missed me?  
  
Link: No, I missed the things you did to Ganondorf.  
  
Li: Well, that's understandable.  
  
Link: Speaking of him, when exactly are you going to let him up for air?  
  
Li: *looks down at feet, to see Ganondorfs head still in the ground* Oops.  
  
(Li gets off Ganondorfs head and quickly pops it out of the ground.)  
  
Ganondorf: *weakly* I'm okay.  
  
Link: *snaps fingers* Damn.  
  
Li: Doesn't look like he's going to move anytime soon.  
  
Ganondorf: That's what you think!!  
  
(Ganondorf jumps away from the two.)  
  
Ganondorf: You think driving my head into the hard earth is going stop me?  
  
Li: How the hell did you recover so fast!?  
  
Ganondorf: Ha, do you take me for a weakling?!  
  
Link: The thought had crossed my mind, yes.  
  
Ganondorf: Idiots, I have survived far worse by your hand Li.  
  
Li: Yeah, he's right.  
  
Ganondorf: It's going to take a lot more to get me down this time!  
  
Malon: Li!!!!!!!!!!  
  
(The three men turned to sound of the voice.)  
  
Ganondorf: Oh shi... *gets trampled by a trio of horses*  
  
Li: Malon!!!  
  
(The red-head jumps off Epona and tackles Li.)  
  
Malon: *hugging Li* I missed you so much!  
  
Li: *quietly* Malon...  
  
Malon: Li...?  
  
Li: *pointing to face* Air...  
  
Malon: Oh jeez, *let's him go* sorry.  
  
Li: *coughing* No problem.  
  
Zelda: Hi, Link.  
  
Link: Hey, honey.  
  
Impa: Looks like you took care of Ganondorfs army.  
  
Li: Yup, we turned'im into roast pork.  
  
Link: Literally.  
  
(Meanwhile the pathetic villian of this story shakingly gets to his feet.)  
  
Ganondorf: Dammit! *supports himself* I need to find a way to beat Li.  
  
(Suddenly his support moves, Ganondorf sees that his support are Zelda and Malon's horses, and Ganondorf has there hand on   
  
there rumps.)  
  
Ganondorf: Oh, cra... *kicked and sent flying*  
  
(Our supposed antagonist, again gets to his feet by supporting himself, and again the support moves, reveiling Impas horse.)  
  
Ganondrof: Oh gods no...*again kicked and sent flying*  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Impa: How long do think those horse are going to keep this up?  
  
Link: As long as Ganondorf is still consicous, look there he goes again.  
  
(The group continuse to look, as if in a tennis match.)  
  
Zelda: What are they doing now?  
  
(The three horses converge on one area just as Ganondorf falls, and in unison they kick upward sending him into orbit.)  
  
Li: We won't be seeing him for a while.  
  
Voice: Liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
(Five heads turn towards the direction of the voice and see Physco Demon Fish, uhh I mean Crazy Bitch, oh jeez, what I   
  
meant to say is...Ruto...?)  
  
Link: Li, get out of the way!  
  
Li: *stands still*  
  
Link: Oh Nayru, she scared him so much, he's just standing there in mute horror!  
  
(As Ruto gets closer, Li still does nothing, once geting close enough Ruto jumps at him, only to have him quickly side step  
  
and her head embeded in a rock wall.)  
  
Impa: Well, you wern't expecting that.  
  
Saria: Hey guys, what's up?  
  
Malon: Ganondorf.  
  
Saria: Huh?  
  
Zelda: He's been sent into orbit.  
  
Saria: *turns to Li, who just shrugs* Well, at least he's gone, where's his army?  
  
Li: I fried them, and I mean literaly. *points to a still sizzling army*  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
(All is peaceful on Death Mountain, that is until a flaming meteor comes crashing down.)  
  
Ganondorf: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
(While our idiotic anti-hero stands up, we hear Darunia.)  
  
Darunia: Hmm, flashing lights, expolsions and what sounds like Ganondorf screaming like a little girl, this could only mean  
  
one thing, Li's back.  
  
(Darunia rolls up in a ball and rolls down the mountain, barely missing our demented arch-fiend.)  
  
Ganondorf: *breaths sigh of relief* That was close. *rocks hits him in the head* what the.. *another hits him* dammit, what  
  
the he...  
  
(Ganondorf, while looking up, gets crushed by a giant boulder, bending him so far in the wrong direction even a yoga   
  
instructer would cringe.)  
  
Back to Li and company...  
  
Darunia: Hey, Li!  
  
Li: What's up?  
  
Darunia: Well, uhh...*sniffs air*...is someone barbecuing pork?  
  
Link: I guess you can say that.  
  
Nabooru: Hey, guys.  
  
Li: Hey, Nabooru, what brings you here?  
  
Nabooru: Well, I heard hi-pitched screaming, so I figured you did something to Ganondorf.  
  
Zelda: Hmm, looks like the gangs all here.  
  
Rauru: Not yet!  
  
(We see the fatass, riding a donkey and scarfing down twinkies.)  
  
Malon: Well, that's really showing off the pride and dignity of the Hylian clergy.  
  
Rauru: Hey, people. *falls off his "steed"*  
  
All:...  
  
Link: *to himself* This guy helped me save Hyrule?  
  
Ganondorf: Prepare to die!!!!  
  
Li: *sighs, turns around* What do you want?  
  
Ganondorf: For you to die!!!  
  
Li: That's not gonna happen.  
  
Ganondorf: Oh yes, it is, look behind you!  
  
Li: Oh yeah like there's...eep!  
  
Ruto: Li, my love, you will be mine.  
  
Malon: Not if I can help!  
  
(Malon steps in between them, wearing combat boots, camo pants, a green tank top, a pair of sunglasses and holding an   
  
M-4 carbine with an attached grenade launcher.)  
  
Malon: To get to him, your going to have to go through me!  
  
Li:...Malon, I don't know if I should be telling you this but...I am SO turned on right now.  
  
Ruto: Pretty soon that's going to be me!  
  
All Males:...AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH *fall to the ground in fetal position* evil images, evil images...  
  
Malon: That's I'm kickin' both your sorry asses.  
  
Li: *still on the ground* Damn, she's hot today...  
  
One rampage, three mistrails, and seventeen mental institute visists later...  
  
Li: I can't believe that dumbass judge wanted to convict Malon, *puts arm around Malon* the nerve of him!  
  
Zelda: Well she did kind of blow a hole through the walls of the castle...  
  
Link: Not to mention, start that fire...  
  
Saria: Also, use an unconscious person to beat Ganondorf with...  
  
Impa: Then there was that stampede of horses that destroyed Kakoriko Village...  
  
Nabooru: Finally, you two did kind of flip him off.  
  
Li: Bastard desrved it...well he did!!  
  
Malon: Good thing you used your author powers to restore evrything, or else I would have been in trouble.  
  
Li: Yeah, well, you know it's a gift.  
  
Zelda: Well, all's well that ends well.  
  
Link: Yeah, by the way what happened to Ganondorf?  
  
Li:...uuuuuuuhhhhhh...  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Ganondorf: Damn community service...*picks up can, only to hit the back of the head by a passer byer* hey, watch it!!  
  
Guard: Hey, shut up!  
  
Ganondorf: *to himself* Yeah, that's gonna happen...  
  
Guard: Or else we're going to release...The Creature.  
  
Ganondorf: EEK!  
  
Guard: That's what I thought.  
  
(While Ganondorf quadrupals his work output, we get a close up on The Creature.)  
  
Ruto: I am NOT the gods only mistake in creation of this land!  
  
Guard: Then why are you so hideous?  
  
Ruto: I am not, I have a beautiful body. *strikes a pose*  
  
Guard: Oh gods my eyes, they burned, it hurts, somebody tear them out!!  
  
Ruto:...Bastard.  
  
Back to the group...  
  
Li:...I dunno.  
  
Link: Well, looks like it's time to end this.  
  
Li: Yeah, well, I can't believe i'm going to say this but I'll miss you guys.  
  
Malon: We'll miss you to.  
  
Zelda: Good-bye Li.  
  
Li: See ya guys.  
  
A/N: Hey guys, okay at this point I know you want to kill me for making you wait nearly four months for an update, but I   
  
have good reason, first off I moved so it took me a while to getmy internet back up and second this is well, the last   
  
chapter of this fic so it took me a while to write it. It may come as a shock but I originally intended for this to be a   
  
one shot fic, but my many reviewers convinced me other wise. Well it's been fun writing this fic, thank you for reading,   
  
despite my many spelling and grammar errors and I have to say for a rookie writer I think I did quite well for myself, i   
  
just hope this chapter lives up to the expectations of my fans, I know my last chapter kind of sucked. Finally I would   
  
like to thank every one the reviewed my fic, as crappy as it is:  
  
Triple M- Thanks for all the reviews buddy, your support as a friend and fellow author really helped me.  
  
Deuce God of Thunder- Much thanks for all the reviews, and keep writing those G-Gundam fics.  
  
Dragon Pokemon Trainer- Your reviews were much appreciated and gave me a good amount of confidence, thanks, man.  
  
Guardian Storm Demon- Nice to see that somebody that hates Ruto as much as me, and thank you for all the kind words.  
  
Kian- You were always one of my best reviewers, that helped me out a lot, thanks.  
  
Also I would like to thank (I apologize for any misspellings):  
  
Nabooru'z Gurl  
  
Wes the Swordsmaster  
  
Bunnylover  
  
JustAGirl  
  
Coolies  
  
Shacena Dragmire  
  
Kholdstar 1225  
  
fire mage  
  
broncobabe007  
  
Eowyn-144 


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